Source: brainblogger.com
In the early hours of a quiet Sunday morning, the jarring ring of the telephone wrenches Darren abruptly from his somnolence in the phone room of Befrienders KL. Picking up the handset, he commences with the familiar opening line long ingrained within him: “Hello, this is the Befrienders here. How can I help you ?”. There is a pregnant silence on the other end, punctuated by faint sounds of sobbing. Finally, a trembling, tear-chocked voice whispers: “Help me, I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t believe he left me for that other woman”. In the most empathetic tone he can muster, Darren responds, “You must be devastated over what happened. Can you tell me more ?”. The sounds of anguished weeping are loud and clear now. “It’s my husband. After 20 years of spending our lives together, he just packed up and left for this younger woman that he has been having an affair with. How could he do that ?”.
Darren reflexively tunes in to the turbulent emotions laden in the caller’s voice and reflects these back to her: “You are feeling heart broken and betrayed by his callous and selfish behavior”. She responds: “Yes, I don’t think I can go on with life anymore”. He sits upright in his chair, immediately recognizing the potential implications of this statement from his initial training. Mindful to keep his voice calm and steady, he asks gently: “When you say you can’t go on with life any more, does this mean that you have thought of ending it ?”. A long silence follows; and just as Darren is about to repeat himself, she whispers in a resigned tone: “I am going to throw myself off the top floor of our apartment block tomorrow morning”.
Darren is wide awake now, his pumping adrenaline dispelling the last vestiges of sleepiness. Images of a broken body from a sensational suicide reported in the tabloids recently flash unbidden through his mind. There is a brief internal struggle to maintain composure. A strong resolve coalesces within him, born from the same compassion and conviction that first drew him to volunteer with the Befrienders. Mental shifting of gears complete, Darren plunges back into the call with renewed focus; ready to plumb the depths of despair together with the caller.
Over the next two hours, Darren’s warm, reassuring voice and supportive presence provides the caller the safe outlet for her long suppressed emotions to come gushing out into the open. The seemingly unbearable burden now appears to be potentially tolerable, at least for today. Death no longer beckons as the only recourse and a glint of light is sighted at the dark tunnel’s end. Darren himself returns home later that morning with a silent prayer in his heart for her and the hope that she finds help and support from professionals who can help her on the road to recovery. He too has changed subtly in an indefinable way, having undergone the profound experience of walking beside another soul through the recesses of its inner most pain. And thus ends a rather dramatic, but not atypical, episode in the life of a crisis hotline volunteer.
Victor Tan is a day duty director at Befrienders KL, where he is involved in coordinating the manning of the crisis helplines as well as training of new volunteers.
Befrienders KL offers emotional support for the depressed and suicidal. Please call 03-7956 8145 (24 hours) or email sam@befrienders.org.my if you need a listening ear.
This article was published in conjunction with Suicide Prevention Day. Stay tuned for more, tomorrow.
[This article belongs to The Malaysian Medical Gazette. Any republication (online or offline) without written permission from The Malaysian Medical Gazette is prohibited.]