Anecdote
“I know sadness is part of life. After all, it is just one of many emotions; happiness, sorrow, anger, confusion, excitement, contentment, pride and the list goes on. The spectrum of emotion is wide and we need to feel all of it to become a better person. I personally feel it is important to be sad because it teaches you to be more empathic and kind to others. Therefore, when I started feeling sad for such a long time, I thought it was perfectly okay. However, I started having a feeling it is not okay when everyday felt like a battle. Getting out of bed was a battle. Doing house chores was a battle. Eating was a battle. I felt tired all the time. Tiredness, ticked. Saying hi to a friend required so much energy. I would usually take the longest route to my university so I would not bump into my friends. Furthermore, I would refuse to go out with my friends and even reject their phone calls. Social isolation, ticked. I couldn’t concentrate during lectures and would easily space out. Loss of concentrations, ticked. The signs of depressions are getting more obvious each day but I would always try to deny. I am a medical student, I could not possibly have depression! “If I am perceived as weak, how will my future patients trust me?”
That was my thought before knowing that depression is NOT a sign of weakness. That was how depression felt like for me. On top of all, I know depression had conquered me when I started feeling suicidal. Life was no longer meaningful. Death seemed like a good idea. I thought death was a solution. I thought death was the answer to end this emotional pain. That was when I started to seek for help.”
-Anonymous, a medical student.
This is an anecdote of a medical student suffering from depression. This is just one of many stories out there. The prevalence of medical students having depression is alarming. It has almost become common for a medical student to have depression. Despite being common, the pain of having depression is still unbearable, the stigma is still there. If you can relate to the anecdote above, here are some tips for you.
Seek help
The first step is usually the hardest, but it is also the most crucial step. Do not be afraid to seek for help. Of course everyone feel sad once in a while, but if you have been feeling down for such a long time, it might be a sign of depression. If seeing a GP seems too much, maybe telling a friend is a good first step. Except, when you tell your friends, you really need to choose the best ones. Some of them might respond to your problems by saying “It’s all in your head. Maybe you need to check your relationship with God. Well, kids on the other parts of the world are starving and dying, what’s so sad about your life? You need to be more grateful and then maybe you’ll be less sad. You need to be strong. You’re too self absorbed with your problems. Just exercise, you’ll get better” and the list goes on. Although probably there are some truths in their advice, it’s important not to belittle your problems. If you think you need professional help, then seek it.
Be nice to yourself
As a medical student, you will encounter studies such as “Depression while pregnant linked to violent behaviour in children” and this might cause you to feel guilty even if you are not pregnant or even married. Furthermore, if you are doing psychiatry block, you’ll have lectures about depression. When the lecture is about “causes of depression” it’s very easy to want to blame yourself and think it is your fault. “It must be my personality that causes me to have depression!” You might think to yourself. If you really need something to be blamed on, know that you can blame your serotonin level but never blame yourself for having depression.
If this occurs, always remember that you’re a just human and it is not your fault. Despite there are people saying ‘depression is a choice’ I always believe no one in this world just wakes up one day and decides “I want to have depression” Blame is not the answer for recovery.
Juggling depression with medical school
Medical school alone feels like a huge responsibility and you need both of your hands to carry it. Depression is another story. You might think you have to be a wonder woman or a superman to juggle depression and medical school, maybe you are right. Maybe you can be wonder woman or a superman (or any other superheroes really). It is difficult but it is doable.
One of the biggest obstacles in doing medicine while having a depression is the studying. You probably need your entire energy for the rest of the day to study just a chapter (I might be exaggerating) and you are not the only one who feels this way. Even a medical student without depression would be tired after studying a chapter sometimes. Therefore, it’s vital to figure out some study tricks that work for you.
Having a short but frequent study session really helps. There’s no harm in studying for an hour only but four times per day or any period of time that you can focus. Apart from this, it is good to have your own study group. Find friends that you feel comfortable with and you can tell them about your condition. It’s easier for them to know so they will understand when you cry for no reason in the middle of a group discussion. Plus, they can be your social support too.
Also, I personally feel it’s a good idea to tell your tutor or anyone in charge about your depression. Maybe they can offer you extra guidance on how to cope with medical school while having depression (eg: if seeing too much patients is overwhelming). Some universities even offer special consideration for students with depression.
Use your knowledge as a medical student
I’m not talking about taking medicine without seeing a doctor or diagnosing yourself, even if you’re a final year student (or even a doctor). Seriously, do not do it. As a medical student (or anyone really), you will realize that doctors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists and mental health nurses are human and that they have limitations. When they can not help you (eg: they refer you to someone else) it does not mean they are giving up on you. Also, as a medical student, you would probably know the system better and how the insurance works. Use this knowledge to help you to get the best service for your depression. Most importantly, you know by heart how consent and confidentiality work in the hospital or clinic. Trust your doctor on this so you can maximise the help that you should be getting.
Do things that make you happy (or not sad)
People often think after you recover from depression, you’ll be really happy and jolly all the time. It might be true for some people but I guess it is good to realize that life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. Maybe you will feel sad again despite seeing the best psychiatrist in town but this time, you do not want to kill yourself. You still want to keep moving forward. Therefore, this is probably the best time for you to figure out what makes you really happy so you can use it now and in the future.
Write a journal, ride a bike, run, spend time with kids, watch a movie, watch Ellen DeGeneres’ videos (especially when Amy visited the haunted house!), bake, talk to your mom (or dad), make a list of small goals that you want to achieve, eat nasi goreng in a cinema (just to be different), draw, write a poetry or just do anything that lights up your life.
If you do have depression, I just want you to know that this is just a chapter in your life. We often feel sad for not having a happy ending. Little did we know, it is only a chapter, not the whole book. Keep fighting.
This article is written by Arlina Arshad, a second year medical student at the University of Newcastle, Australia. Know more about her under the Young Columnists tab.